Anyone can have money, just ask your local homeless person. What women really want is someone with a Costco Executive Membership. #IHaveAnUlcer #CostcoCanFixThat #KirklandSignatureOmeprazole

People'll really say stuff like "Please take a shower immediately" as if your 72 hour deodorant doesn't have an otherwise substantial 12 minutes left. Oh dear heavens. Who do these biscuit eating devils think they are? #Smelltastic #ShowerOnceAWeek #Deodorant

Mommin' ain't easy, but this pinot sure makes it pretty! Cheers to the moms who survived another Monday! #WineMom #SipSipHorray #4pmDrinking

I ate a dog today \('3')/